In a crowd

Been having one of those days where even when you are in a crowd you feel lonely... It's a weird feeling to be surrounded by people but just feel lost.


Things are all changing and I just feel like I'm losing some of my friends, some of whom are people who are really important to me.... 


Maybe I'm different to a lot of people, but for me, my friends are my real family as they're the ones that have helped me through some of my worse times over the past couple of years, even the last month or so! 


That's not saying I haven't got family, but in some ways blood really isn't thicker than water! Anyway it's not blood that defines family.... it's what people will do for you, and what you would do for them that defines family.... as another cliched saying goes: any dick can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a daddy! That's another thing that's not necessarily down to biology either....  


I'm not losing these friends because I've fell out with them or argued with them, it's just that they are either leaving work to move on to other jobs, or moving away completely..... And I know what happens next, it just makes me feel sad as I don't want to lose people like this out my life. It's hard to find them in the first place!


A lot of the time people leave thinking the grass is greener on the other side, but it's not. It's the same old shit but just somewhere else!! 


I've seen enough people leave where I work and then come back saying that they thought leaving was the answer, only to find out it's worse where you go... but i guess it's all about how you leave as there is always the possibility of coming back if you haven't burnt bridges.... and so far I've not seen many bridges burnt so who knows?


I do realise some of this is a bit cliched, and some of what i have written is a bit (lot?) disjointed but guess it matches what is going on in my head, nothing is straight at the moment, and hasn't been for a few months.... well that's a white lie, i don't think things have been straight for years, but it was the straightest it had been in a long time, not that long ago! 


Imagine a ball of tangled string.... I'd got to the point where there was a couple of knots left to unpick, when it all got messed up again and it's back to being tangled and tied up!


Maybe I ought to try that thing where you just write all the random stuff that comes into your head down as it pops in there? God, I think I'd confuse the fook out of myself, yet alone anyone else who might venture to read it?!?!?


I guess i just have to see what happens? I hope that I don't lose these people for good, I hope that if the grass isn't greener for those past and present, that they still feel they can come back across the bridge, and most of all I hope I can untangle my ball again and shut my head the fook up!! And maybe one day I'll stop writing shit drivel lol! You can all live in hope....


Oh and I really do need to sort out my body clock as late nights and alarm clocks aren't a great combination ;0)