Goodbye my friend :0(

This weekend has been a little odd and more than a little tough!


Always knew that it would be a quiet one as it's the wrong side of payday, so avoided doing anything to extravagant. Spent the weekend just catching up on a few bits and pieces, spent time with the munch watching a few films.... even tried helping him out with his homework which in itself is starting to turn into a mission these days!! 


You know the show 'are you smarter than a 10 year old', I think my answer on the whole would have to be no looking at his homework.... managed to hold my own a little bit with his maths homework though.  


It's been tough this weekend as i found out someone I used to work with passed away this week. They was only 39 and so it makes it a bit harsh..... I hadn't seen them for a while but they was the sort of person I could go for a few months without seeing but when we caught up it was like we'd only chatted the week before. 


Worse thing is I've not had anyone here to talk to, all I wanted was a hug off someone, but I don't have anyone (munch excluded as it's not fair to use my child in that way). Goes back to what I have always said, I am by myself, like always, with no-one to actually give a shit about how I am..... I really do wonder sometimes what I have done wrong to deserve this? I guess I must just be not a very nice person otherwise why am I the one alone? 


And then just to help me feel even better this weekend I have knob head thinking he still has control over when I can come and go, in order for him to 'pop' round to see munch.... and when I say we have plans and that it will have to be a different time you can hear the dis-taste in the response.... it's not like I said he couldn't come round at all! 
And the last bits of salt in the wound tonight is coming across his picture on facebook (as we still have friends in common) and seeing the happy family snap he has as his profile picture of munchkin, him and the bint. I know he has every right to as he is his dad, but this was just after signing the form to get 3 tickets to munch's dance show... two for him and one for me..... Munch had really wanted the bloke to come too, but he probably won't be around by then as most likely he'd have moved, and I doubt he would have wanted to anyway as it's not the way a single bloke would want to spend his Saturday night....  but like I said - it's all salt in the wound.


I really do wonder sometime what I am doing? Am I being selfish in having munchkin with me or am I just giving him the wrong view of relationships? Not like I'm successful in them!! I had one person I should have left years ago, who I let almost destroy my self confidence, and then the one other person I actually loved decide I wasn't good enough and is now moving away? Not the greatest success story is it????


I know I'm not in the best of moods tonight and am probably feeling a lot of woe is me.... Guess finding out about my friend has been the main cause... hopefully I'll feel better in the morning? Least I've not had the texts to deal with too much this weekend as don't think I'm really in the 'fun and flirty' mood at the moment, and they aren't the people to even show this type of crazy too!


Bed I guess.... work in the morning. That's just one big mess to deal with this week, with all the stress and headaches, but at least there it's not anything I have caused or done, just usual project stuff going wrong - at least that sort of stuff I can usually handle, and it will distract me for a bit!