Is this your finger?

Not sure where my head is at this week....


It's been all change at work and i'm not sure whether it is a good or bad change at the moment. If we can prove what we're doing then as it is now the director that has come in to fix stuff then we should be fine and it will hopefully be smoother sailing.... BUT, if we don't prove what we need to then i guess the worse that can happen is that i get sacked? 


That is a possibility i don't even want to contemplate at the moment.... the pressure that i feel being the only one that pays the bills is suffocating sometimes, so much more than what a lot of people realise. If i don't pay what i need to then both me and my son are stuffed!! £16 a week that the fookin' CSA reckon his dad has to pay will cover jack shit! Don't even know what i'll do if that happens, not like i have anyone around to help cushion the blow. In that instance i really am worth more gone!!


Hopefully though it won't come to that though. Had an interesting email through today and i think there may be a job interview in the pipeline, but i won't hold my breathe just yet for that. 


And then there is the other stuff.... and that is making my head explode! I never not looked forward to xmas. I love this time of year. But this year i could quite easily cancel all of it for several reasons.


And then there is this weekend. My one child free saturday night and everyone i know is away/busy/not available and so it looks like i am going to have to spend it by myself. And to those of you who say so what? you don't understand how valuable or precious to me they are, they are the one time i can truly unwind, but this weekend looks like it is going to be just me, again, just like every other night.... talk about a no hoper!!!