Been a bit of a lazy day today, didn't even get out of the pj's properly till lunchtime!
As this was my weekend of having the munch we went over to have tea with some friends and to see my god-daughter. She's 8 months now and her personality is starting to show through now... i guess it's hard sometimes as this sort of thing just reminds me of what i would love but i'm not going to have again, or i doubt i will ever have as the one person i would have been willing to do it with doesn't want to take that chance with me.
I think i have come to the conclusion that i know i still love him and it's not a case of finding a way of not loving him anymore, rather than trying to see how i can go on from here knowing that.
I know that the past few months have been hard for both of us, and if i am being honest, i know that i wouldn't refuse trying again, but i also know that i can't fix him and although i will always be there for him, he would need to come that decision himself. The road to happiness is not smooth or trouble free but it's not about the destination, it's about the journey and who is willing to take that journey with you, regardless of the potholes and obstacles that might be in the way!
I keep plodding on trying to see how i move forward and at the moment nothing feels right, i just want my heart to flip-flop like it did with him... even if he doesn't realise that it did. I just wish he knew how special he is and understand that no matter what he will always mean more to me than he can know.
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