Head fook

Not sure where my head is at this week! Work is crazy at the moment and i don't know whether i am coming or going.... i'm just watching to see how deep the knife in my back will get shoved in. Why is it that no matter what i do or how hard i try, someone tries to undermine me? All i want to do is be able to deliver what i do, let people try to enjoy being there and make sure i don't break stuff as i go.... to leave things no worse than they were before i started?


Guess the same can go for home to? 
Trying to move on but at the moment my heart isn't in it.... i've been asked out by 3 or 4 different people, just for something like coffee or a film, nothing heavy, but at the moment i'm not ready to as they aren't the ones i want. Guess my heart isn't in it or ready yet? Although guess that is just something unique to me as i'm easy to get over and move on from?!?!

i don't mean to break stuff, i just want everyone to be happy but at the moment i just feel like i have driven everyone that was good in my life away, and am now alone.... i don't feel like i do anything right... i wasn't good enough to be with someone and so i am alone, i don't feel like i am around enough as a mom, so i'm not a good parent.... like i said, head is fooked! Xmas, new year, mortgages, CSA, home, kid, work... it's all just swirling around in there so no wonder no-one is willing to stick around and deal with that mess!


just need a white flag i guess?
Dido says it best!


I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, 
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it 
where's the sense in that? 

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder 
Or return to where we were 

I will go down with this ship 
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 
There will be no white flag above my door 
I'm in love and always will be 

I know I left too much mess and 
destruction to come back again 
And I caused nothing but trouble 
I understand if you can't talk to me again 
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" 
then I'm sure that that makes sense