Gone?

I've woke up this morning and now feel that little pit of dread at the bottom of my stomach as I'm scared that I have lost one of the few people that actually understands me...
And I never meant to... Because this is like my diary when it gets published to other sites the privacy on these are set so that there are only a few close friends who can actually see them posted, and these are people who know what I'm going thru anyway... The more casual acquaintences can't see them!

I don't know if, or how often, he has seen these but I have never wrote them to hurt him, and as messed up as i might be at times, i dont let the whole world see it... Well not unless you google it i suppose??

I write on here because I find putting down the thoughts in my head, although it doesn't fix things, it does help me to see them in black and white... Guess that's part the reason my degree revolved around writing?

I hope he hasnt deleted me as although this is hard and I do keep questioning a lot it is just me trying to understand and move on, and I don't want to lose one of my best friends because it's difficult at the moment :0(