.-.

Struggling today....

Sat here alone as the bloke has gone into work and the munchkin is out with his dad.... which leaves me here with only my own thoughts bouncing round my head, and for me that is never good! I wish i was stronger, i wish that when left alone i could just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet like any normal person, but i can't and i don't know why. It's like there's a crushing weight that appears and i just feel like i am falling down deeper into a dark well..... I'm not even strong enough to admit this to other people, maybe if i did i would be able to go get help, but i can't.

Next weekend will be even worse as no doubt the bloke won't want me to interfere with his night out with his friends as he never does, and who can blame him.... if i'm i'm honest i'm just waiting for him to say that this is too much and i'm not making him happy, or do what every other person has ever done and just find a replacement and go.... and when i am like this then who could blame them?

All my friends already have plans as my usual group that i go out with are busy off visiting one of their parents in marlow, and even my friends in b'ham that i could have gone to see are off at a wedding and rugby, so there really is no-one around. It's so easy for people to say just call some up and go out, when everyone has their own lives and kids to plan around then that in reality just can't happen.

lost.com and i don't think anyone is looking!