TGIF

I swear someone keeps sneaking extra hours into my days!!


It's been one really long week at work, but to be honest that is pretty standard these days. With the stuff waiting to go live, the problems with it and the fact that so much is waiting on all this, it's just the usual pressures that come around in cycles. But in some sadistic ways I actually enjoy crisis management more than keeping things ticking along nicely!


Yesterday was a bit of a break from the usual as Kingy came round.... sounds like he's been having a tough time, which makes me feel guilty for moaning sometimes...


On the home front, I'm just waiting for the stuff from the solicitors to come through now I've paid them.... it's a weird feeling as I'm not expecting anything to go wrong, it should all be straight forward, but I guess part of me is just waiting for that one thing to go wrong. So close now to it all being mine, and then i can start sorting out the rest of the other bits that are now waiting on this going through.


Found out about the pay rise this week too, and although it's not quite what I wanted I do know its more than everyone else has got so not going to complain too much, at the end of the day money is money!


This month has been pretty good to me overall..... as I said if one more certain thing could change then it would have made it perfect but that last thing won't happen, as it's not mine to change or make happen!


But do you ever get those times when you just want to say don't go, stay and see what happens, but know you can't say those words out loud as it's not your choice to influence? 


He feels he has to go as he has to escape seeing his ex everyday. 
I know that and I have always known that, as seeing her everyday is one of the biggest parts of what is going on..... but at the same time I know he also cares about me too, as he's told me he does, and I know that he isn't the sort of person to just say that because he's drunk.... he never has been one of those types of people that loves everyone when drunk! 
He thinks too much to do that lol!


He doesn't feel like he can give himself to anyone because he is broken from his ex and he feels that offering something second hand isn't fair.... but in reality its not second hand or broken, it's just different, I know I don't expect perfection off anyone as I know I am far from perfect! 


For me, all I need is to know that someone is there for me when I need them, and not sure he ever realised this but he has shown he is, even after we split, it's just a shame he never saw it this way. The rest of what we was and still are is fine, we can talk, I've always been honest with him (more so than anyone) and we have a laugh and a giggle together, we get on!
I guess I just miss the little things, like the texts I used to get, and the little gestures..... he's probably sending all those to someone else by now :0(


I hope he has a good time on the stag do he's gone on, I do think he needs the break..... 


What I wish for I guess is pie in the sky and I know it's nothing I can do anything about so I'll just carry on doing what I have been........ who knows if anything will pan out from it longer term? 


Well better head off to bed, I've got to visit the god daughter tomorrow as I missed her birthday last week (I did have a good excuse, it was munch's birthday too) and I've told munch I'll take him to chiquito's for his birthday meal, since last week he was busy throwing up! 


So many other small bits n pieces I need to try and do to, nothing major but if they don't get done they just annoy me lol!!


Night x