I do wonder sometimes though how many people just take me for a twat? I think a lot of time there is confusion between being decent and people taking the piss.... and for the record I do actually know the difference, I have dealt with enough arse holes to be able to spot the majority of them several paces off!!
This time last week I was upset because my friend from back home had lost her fight against ovarian cancer..... she was only about 10/12 years older than me, and it just seems so sad as she has a family... and I just feel so bad that I'd not managed to catch up with her as much as I wanted.... now I won't get the chance :'(
The bloke caught me to speak to when I was upset last week and ended up leaving his night out, and the hotel he was supposed to be staying in, and coming over to me..... and that's something that actually meant a lot, probably more than he realised, as not many people would do that....guess i just felt guilty that he did that and he probably just thinks I'm an idiot! I probably just ended up ruining his chances of hooking up with one of the young girls from his office?
Then this week just kept on crushing me, no matter how I tried to stop it! First there was knob head and his completely unreasonable expectations.... it just really pushed my button and I ended up in a foul mood, something that rarely happens to me like that!
And then there is the fact that I am just over one week after pay day and I'm back down to having to watch the pennies as I still feel the effects of xmas. And I have munch's birthday next month to pay for.... not sure how i'll manage that!!! In the past I was used to getting a bonus next month, which has always meant as long as I could limp over the line I was ok, but I haven't got that this year so got to figure out how i survive!
Guess I could not eat?
To be honest the way I'm feeling at the moment I don't really feel like eating much anyway. I have this constant knot in my stomach that means I just feel bleurgh any way, maybe I just use that to my advantage????? Either that or I just survive on beans on toast?
Got to meet at the bank this week, but I know I'm not going to be able to walk out of there getting knobhead out my life, and I just don't know how I can dig myself out of this? I'm really trying but it just doesn't seem to make progress fast enough..... well i've told work I'll have a pinch point sometime this year so lets see how serious they actually are about wanting to keep me? Pay rise would always be good.....
I'm trying so hard to get sorted but it just feels like one step forward and two steps back at times.... and the fact that I'm not exactly the most rational person doesn't help! I can't get what I want, even though at the most basic level what I want isn't complicated..... I get told one thing by a lot of people but the reality is never the same.... hope and reality are opposite ends of the scale!
"I’m a girl. I overreact. I underestimate. I overestimate. I over think everything. I dream big. And when I say I love you, I’m not lying."
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