Melting pot

It's been a day of frustration really.... That feeling of being stuck in catch-22!

Had my meeting at the bank and there is a way out if I can do something, but the reason I need it may be the very reason I can't get it!! Some of this just makes you want to scream.... Seriously!

The feeling of frustration, yet not being able to do anything about it seems to be a consistent theme at the moment... And what doesn't help is feeling strangely hormonal with this all as well.... Swear I could have ripped a few heads off over the past week lol!

I just want to feel like I'm getting somewhere! The house isn't necessarily the most pressing issue, but it feels like the weight around my neck, as once I have it sorted all practical impacts on my future have been dismissed!

And then there is the rest....I know I should just forget and move forward, and I am trying.... Got several options being juggled, some with more potential than others, and I'm just waiting to see if they turn into anything, but at the same time, even though I'm getting frustrated with myself I can't forget what I feel, even though it looks like he has moved on and found someone else... Hurts to know its yet another person he works with, and she's even younger than his previous ex.... Guess to have had any chance I needed to become younger and change jobs?

And then there is a couple of people from my past who keep trying... One is my best friends brother and the other is the first ex... He actually told me he regretted ever letting me go as other than his son I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he's still shocked I gave him a chance then, and how he is sorry he let me go... I just wish that was how someone else felt!

Even had a disagreement at work with a bloke who said that he was sure there was plenty of men out there who would be happy to be with me.... I told him it was slim pickings!!

In truth, I found the imperfect one who was perfect for me, I just wasn't enough, and I guess being with someone is the one thing I am a failure at? I'll just have to become a crazy cat lady (even though I don't like cats!!)

Just been having strange dreams the last few nights... Think worrying about money, things going on at work, people who are never far from my thought, have just been melting together into this weird combination of 'the day after tomorrow' meets 'independence day' type dreams!

Wonder what will come out the pot tonight? Hopefully the winning lottery numbers!!