Stupid Girls

I feel like I am the problem when all I have ever wanted to be was part of the solution?


I'm probably putting two and two together here and coming up with 22 instead but I can't help it.... and the worse part is I know I shouldn't as it doesn't really affect me anymore, or shouldn't. 


Really.... why should I actually give a shit as I deserve so much more, yet it still hurts because I do care.... Guess I should be used to the fact that there is always better and younger than me. All I am good for is to be trampled on and tossed aside!!! Ex-wives, ex-girlfriends.... different blokes but all behave the same way!


Being decent and caring counts for shit these days as blokes just want girls who will will be bitches, use them for what they can get and the girls just enjoy the ego boost of having someone older fawn all over them, even when the majority of the time they are in a relationship themselves....and most men seem to thrive off that, not even considering if they are doing that with them while they are with someone then they'd be more than happy to do the same to them if they ever did actually get together! 


Maybe that's where I've gone wrong for so long? 
Guess it's a shame it's not in my make up to do that..... Instead I'm the one that goes thrown aside to make way for the shiny new ones! People mistake being decent for being a walkover..... well they can all go screw them selves as no-one has any idea of what I have actually had to go through over the years as I've never told anyone all of it..... and you know what, I have come out the other end as the one that can hold my head high! I still have problems because of some of it, and I have things I have to fight on a daily basis because of it, and I won't drag anyone into that part of my world, but don't judge me till you've walked a day in my shoes!


But regardless of all that I still can't control what I feel and what I want....
Sometimes it makes me wonder why i'm here at all?????????????????????????????????


However tick, tock, tick, tock... as things do change, and I have seen too many times how people only realise what they wanted once it has past them by, then all you end up with is a bunch of what-if's!