Mushy pea

These last few days have been tough and my head now feels like a mushy pea!

The weekend started off ok.... Got the last few pieces to bring to bham, managed to wrap them all as well! Then had a few friends round Saturday night to catch up as hadn't seen double-d for a while. We got a curry in and just chatted shite really. Missed the big family 'get together' but from what I've heard since that was probably a blessing as I'm even less in the mood to deal with it than usual!!

Came back to brum Sunday and kinda regret it.... I'm not strong enough to deal with all this, the idea of Xmas and explaining to people what's happening, they get this 'look' and I'm sick of seeing it.... I don't want pity. I just want people to back the fook away from my family... All of them! I think maybe I shouldn't have come back this year?!? It's too hard

And then there is what happened tonight.... Seriously what the hell am I to make of that?

I just wish things were different, that what is blatantly obvious to most people isn't to the one that counts.... And I guess I need to figure out what I do about the texts once he's back from holiday? It's a shame as in all of this what I actually want hasn't changed one bit... But I also know I'm not good enough to compete, I never have been and I was an idiot to think I could!?!