Do you get those days when you just feel beaten down by everything? I'm shattered at the moment....
I'm running around like a blue arsed fly at the moment, dropping munch off at school, picking him up and trying to deal with everything going on at work at the moment. There are people there that are incapable of doing their job and so I'm left picking up the slack at the moment, along with the having to justify everything I am doing because the external consultants are in, watching everyone, trying to cut costs!
Got to school today to find munch in tears, second time this week because he's missing his dad.... why he's missing the knob head I don't know? Given some of the stuff he's saying though I think it's more than that and the wedding over the weekend has obviously affected him. I just hate seeing him like this and being powerless to fix it - what kind of parent am I when I can't make my son feel better?
And I know that the last few weeks have been hard, a lot of my old insecurities have got stirred up, ones I've tried to get over, but then again no matter how much you heal, the scars are still there!
I've just been feeling crap about myself ..... One ex couldn't stand being with me so he went out and got a replacement, and another one that I just wasn't good enough for.... so I'm no good for dick heads and I'm not good enough for decent blokes, so it doesn't do much for your self esteem.... but it can work wonders for the waist line as when I can't control what is going on in life my appetite disappears!
I'm just fed up of being told I'm strong.... I know this is just a blip and I'll get passed it but I do wish that sometimes, rather than being the one who has to be the strong one, I've got someone there who can be strong for me, just for a little while, just to take the pressure off so I can find my centre again. Everyone needs support at some point, and with work, home and everything colliding at the moment there just feels like too many plates to keep spinning at the moment, I need to breathe for just a minute! I need my Hercules to turn up and help!!
I guess that it's just the usual case that people have trouble seeing that what they had was actually good and they only ever realise when it's too late.... what they think they are looking for is something they had before, and that's when regret kicks in... I know I have a lot of what people wish they did.... munch, a house... but this little family I have I would be willing to share completely for the right person, but if I don't think you are then there is no hope in getting in.... Had a few try over the past few months but not interested in them.... I've always followed gut instinct and I always will.... Even with my wobbles (which will happen again) I know what it is I want!
If you are lucky enough to get a second chance at something, don't waste it. Walls are sometimes put up, not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down.
Life is too short to be anything other than happy really, you just have to realize that what is in front of you is sometimes exactly what you need and it's not thinking that it is always about finding the perfect ending as it is more about what is perfect for you, and that by default means there will also be flaws you deal with to.
If you can find someone to laugh with, cry with or just sit in silence with, then they're the one to keep hold of! Life is like a coin.... you can spend it anyway you wish but you can only spend it once!
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