This weekend has been hard.... the run up this week has been difficult but I had a major wobble on Friday, even ended up getting my mascara down the shirt of some poor bloke who had only met me that night! (he was a friend of a friend so at least it wasn't a completely random stranger I guess)
It's hard to explain and I know its completely irrational, even to me, but no matter how much you tell yourself that it doesn't change how you FEEL!
I think the idea that in the grand scheme of things, after this weekend I just felt completely surplus to requirements was something I couldn't just shake off on Friday..... After the weekend munch has a step mother, as well as his dad to make up a complete family unit and what do I offer?
Just me who can't give him attention because I'm busy working trying to keep the roof over our head, or end up so tired at the end of the day I don't get chance to always sit there and find out how is day was, what he was up to at school.... I know I'm his mother and I'm not going to be replaced, but it just didn't stop how i felt Friday, like I was just surplus to requirements now!
I think what also didn't helped it just having all the other weddings going on over this weekend and next, just made feel more like a failure as I just must be unlovable.... All I want is the simple things- home, family, someone who will be there for me not matter how good or bad things might be, and who I can do the same for as life is about what you give as well as what you take.
I've said before I have my own set of crazy, and this weekend just brought some of it out.... And one of the few people who I can talk to and has been there for me over the past year, I haven't had around to talk to..... he was here and saw me crumble the last time the crazy came out like this on Xmas eve!
Apart from the wobble I did have a fairly good weekend. Went out Friday and Saturday night and rolled in after 4am both times. Had some random silliness and giggles just chatting to friends in the pub and even bumped in to Mikey who haven't seen in ages! Was quite good as he works the door of one of the clubs so he let me and all the people i was with in for free.... benefits of knowing the staff I guess :0)
Saturday went and held the hand of a friend while they got a tattoo... and I do mean that in the literal sense as well! She squeezed it like crazy to start with too.... ouch!!
Today had Dawn and yazz over for a bit of an impromptu BBQ as it seemed such a shame to let the nice weather go to waste!
Did have to listen to some of the wedding talk though when Munch got dropped back by the grandparents. He had got given a digital camera by his great Aunts friend and that had some pictures on it.... and the one small bit of pleasure I did get, other than the fact I knew his dad would have been cooking trussed up like a turkey, is the fact that the wedding dress was awful and she still looked like a dog on her wedding day!
Think I am just missing having people round at the moment... But at least it's just a three day week at work now and next week. I just have the fun of doing both ends of the school run this week as the knob head wasn't considerate enough to organise any sort of childcare while hes off on honeymoon number one, and then the week after is half term!
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