I'm back like a Pheonix!

I'm not going to lie, the last few weeks have been rough! There has been so many things going on that it really has beaten me down but I think I may be back now!!


This weekend has seen a new entry on the bucket list after talking to my friends about piercings (and I'll leave that one right there for the imagination to kick in!) as well as several new 'opportunities' to explore.... lets see how they all turn out? 


I think the one thing I've slowly realised but a lot of people never do, I don't actually need anybody to be with me as I don't need them there to provide for me... I have my house, I have my job, I can buy what I need..... If I'm with someone it is because I chose to be, because I want them in my life, not need them in it.... a subtle difference a lot still never get! Being chosen to be in someones life is so much better than ever feeling like you are only there because they're scared of being by them self! 
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be by myself..... I want to find someone to be with me as a partner, to share the good, the bad and the ugly, to have as family and as my best friend, the person that when I am with it just feels like I am home, safe!


And it's not to say that I've changed my mind about things, I still love 'him; to the moon and back again, but if he doesn't love me there's not a lot I can do about it... the door is still open but he has to be the one to decide he wants to step through it!! Or maybe the grass is really greener on the other side for him and all his problems will be solved in one easy step? That Hollywood ending really does exist?


I just hope that I don't lose one of my best friend's through all this, as the one thing I do is stick by and fight for those I care about most, and those I consider my family.... as blood has nothing to do with family really..... family are those people who are there for you no matter what highs or lows you have in your life!


Music often has a way of hitting the proverbial nail on the head and the following are just some clips (of many) that I could chose that kinda sums things up




You make me feel good,
You make me feel safe,
You make me feel like I could live another day
You make me feel good,
You make me feel safe,
You know I wouldn't have it any other way
You and me, face to face
And there's so much I could say
On these words, and forever seem the silence
Can you hear, that box bre-brea-breaking
And the world starts sha-sha-shaking
They keep talking, talking, talking
But we're walking, walking, to the light
Tonight, tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syxd2n8S4AE



Sometimes I get you, Sometimes I don’t understand.
Sometimes I love you, Sometimes it's you I can't stand.
Sometimes I wanna hug you, Sometimes I wanna push you away.
Most times I wanna kiss you, Other times put you and every minute you start switching up
And you say things like, ‘ You don't give a fuck!'
Then I say, ‘I'm through with you.' Take my heart from you. And you come running after me, and, baby, I'm back with you.


Sometimes I catch you, Sometimes you get away
Sometimes I read you, Other times I’m like, ‘Where are you on the page?’
Sometimes I feel like we will be together for---ever
But you’re so complicated my heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USVynyq_Y1A




R.I.P. to the girl you used to see
Her days are over, baby she's over
I decided to give you all of me
Baby come closer, baby come closer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1l9WST5lXM&ob=av2e



What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes you fighter
Footsteps even lighter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I&ob=av2e