Funny five....

Think I've been having my funny five minutes today!


I knew it was due to happen, but it struck me today as I was tucking the munch up that this is the last night till Friday that I'm going to to that as he's away on his school trip from tomorrow.... and I guess it just got to me as i sat here for five minutes sobbing.... stupid hey?!


As I said I knew this was happening and so I have sorted out most evenings this week so I'm not just sat at home by myself moping, but I have had my funny five minutes today!! Many people will think I'm being stupid for even getting upset about this, and think instead I should be looking forward to a few day of care free fun, and I am looking forward to being able to do what everyone else does without thinking, but at the same time I know that deep down in my heart that there will be something I can't settle till he's back with me and safe. Not having any contact with your child for days on end is not natural.... if you do it through choice then that's one thing, but having to deal with it because that's whats imposed is another.... and this is something that's imposed!!


I think in general I'm just in a pensive mood this weekend. With munch being away it is playing a big part in it.... and the other thing is the bloke has been moving his stuff out this weekend. That's not unexpected and that's not the problem.... I think it's the little flashbacks I've had to when he was moving in that's been unexpected. Little things like remembering how excited I was to see his stuff turning up, remembering going to his flat to collect it and filling the lift to move it here.... making the wardrobe up..... And now he's got that with his new gf....?! 


I do hope that he's happy there.

I know he's excited about it at the moment, and maybe she's the one that will make his heart skip that proverbial beat every time he sees her for the rest of his life? That is what he is looking for.... whether that actually exists I guess I don't know yet? I guess with her it's one way he can become family with his best friend for real? And as I talked to a friend about her Mr M, with kids there is the added complication of not feeling the same when there is some history that's not shared.... he doesn't have to worry about that with hers as it was with munch as there is the age.... young enough that there isn't much history really!


I guess I don't know if he ever really cared about me like that, but at least moving so far away he escapes the ghost of the of the one person he never could here as he worked with her, and saw here every day, and I don't think that ever helped us! By doing that maybe the darker moods he had here his new gf won't end up seeing? I accepted it as part of him, and I knew when he wasn't completely happy within himself..... just for what ever reason, he never talked about it properly to me, even though he could of it he wanted.... that may have been a combination of couldn't and wouldn't though...?


This weekend has been good though as at least we have caught up, and grabbing food after trying to pack and move stuff on Saturday was good, we was laughing and joking and messing around like we used to, and given how I feel with munch going, that was actually quite comforting.... not sure if he feels completely comfortable round me though, or whether his new gf has said anything?  

It's not like I'm going to jump him, even he spent the night here to watch a film and have a drink... lol I have toblerone for that at the moment..... I have him right where I want, given the VERY obvious response our Friday 'de-brief' at work ;0)


I've just been in a bit of a melancholy mood today and thinking about next week without the munchkin, and missing the company of the people I'm comfortable with... and seeing how much even munch has missed having the bloke round.





Oh well, I'll see munch off tomorrow morning, we'll see if his dad turns up! And then I have date night with Betsy to look forward to.... we're going out for food and then a pub/club, make the most of the free time! 
Tuesday and Wednesday are already booked up, just need to find something to do on Thursday now! It is just a real shame that toblerone isn't around as I could have had a whole load of more fun, and that would have been far more kinkier haha!!