Another week done, and it's been a hell of a week!
Think having munch having his accident on Monday morning just set the whole thing up and it only kept going lower as the week went on....
Took munch to the nurse today to get his leg re-dressed. It seems to be healing nicely, just a small whole left in his leg now, waiting for that to scab over as well. I have learnt this week the art of faking un-squemishness. I can do small cuts and nose bleeds, but when it comes to gaping wounds and vomit I'm really not that good, yet as its just me around I get the fun job :0/
It was his last day at school today as well, my baby has left primary school and when they go back in September, he's going to be in big school! Makes me feel so old!!
Oh well out this weekend again so I can try and forget the bad week and chill. The bloke should be coming round tomorrow to say goodbye before he moves.... which in itself is quite sad as I'll miss having him around, and I know munch will as well.... don't think he realises that? He's going to be too busy changing nappies and seeing sheep! Wonder if he's brought his wellies already to stop them running away?! lol
One week left at work and then I have a week off.... oh and Toblerone's back in the office so that could be fun ;0)
Friday, 20 July 2012
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Broken Bird
I feel completely and utterly broken at the moment, this week is just terrible!
Yesterday I had barely turned my laptop on at work when i got a phone call from the school to say munch had had an accident and he may need to go to hospital for stitches.... So I spent all morning being bounced around the NHS trying to sort out my poor baby! He's taken a huge chunk of flesh out of his shin and we ended up spending four hours in various medical facilities to get bounced from one place to another!
In the end we still landed in A&E where they looked at it, x-rayed it and said they couldn't stitch it as there was no flesh left there TO stitch!! Then I went back to work into the middle of the shit storm, only for it to continue today.
I cried in the car yesterday on the way to pick munch up from his prom, just because I'd spent the last six hours worried about him as he'd been in pain, and today I think I can honestly say I've never been so mad! It got to me so much today I burst into tears in the car on the way home again... and no job is worth that!
All I have wanted, more yesterday than today was to be able to come home to someone who could just hold me for a minute so I didn't worry and tell me it's all ok, but I haven't got that as I am the one who has to strong... and this week I have felt far from it, I'm just broken and not sure how I am going to get through this week?
I'm not as strong as people think and soon I am just going to break completely, not that anyone actually cares, and why should they? I'm no good for anything or anyone these days!
Yesterday I had barely turned my laptop on at work when i got a phone call from the school to say munch had had an accident and he may need to go to hospital for stitches.... So I spent all morning being bounced around the NHS trying to sort out my poor baby! He's taken a huge chunk of flesh out of his shin and we ended up spending four hours in various medical facilities to get bounced from one place to another!
In the end we still landed in A&E where they looked at it, x-rayed it and said they couldn't stitch it as there was no flesh left there TO stitch!! Then I went back to work into the middle of the shit storm, only for it to continue today.
I cried in the car yesterday on the way to pick munch up from his prom, just because I'd spent the last six hours worried about him as he'd been in pain, and today I think I can honestly say I've never been so mad! It got to me so much today I burst into tears in the car on the way home again... and no job is worth that!
All I have wanted, more yesterday than today was to be able to come home to someone who could just hold me for a minute so I didn't worry and tell me it's all ok, but I haven't got that as I am the one who has to strong... and this week I have felt far from it, I'm just broken and not sure how I am going to get through this week?
I'm not as strong as people think and soon I am just going to break completely, not that anyone actually cares, and why should they? I'm no good for anything or anyone these days!
Monday, 16 July 2012
I know something, you don't know....;0)
10/07.31/10.06/12.24/09
Well not been on here for a little bit, thought that if I started writing how I felt last week I might just end up upsetting myself so I kept myself distracted instead.... think it worked on the whole?
I did well saying good bye to munch last Monday, no tears to embarrass him as he left on his school trip! I feel really bad for saying that in someways I enjoyed having a week to do what I wanted when I wanted as he wasn't here, doing things that most people take for granted.... but even though I enjoyed it I spent the whole week with this little niggle at the back of my head, a small sense of dread in case something happened to him, or he got upset...
I'm not under any illusions as I had purposely arranged to do something each night so I didn't have time to think about missing him, I know that if that was my normal life I wouldn't be going out like that every day!
Had date night out with backseat Betsy on Monday, where we ended up going and having drinks with the program manager and lead architect.... that was a random night, especially as neither of us two was actually drinking alcohol lol!
Tuesday night was a bit of a naughty one for a school night.... chinese and 4 bottles of wine with Maddy. I crashed at hers so I could have a few drinks but didn't think it would be a few bottles!!
Wednesday was a girls night out to Frankie & Benny's and then on to see Magic Mike.... OMG i need to find me a man like that! He can move those hips and he is h.o.t!! Shame normal men don't look like that, either that or I'm obviously not looking in the right places?!
I just get men that like to send me picture of their ding-a-ling.... and in most cases if they were that size I wouldn't be broadcasting it, plus on the whole they aren't pretty things! Have NO idea what it is about blokes taking pictures of their bits, I haven't even hinted I want these pictures, they just get sent!
Thursday was the only day I didn't have anything arranged, but I got back from work that night to a postcard from munch.... I think by then I was ready for him to come home, I missed him being here, and I've had too many people who mean something to me not around lately.
Went out last night to, bumped into the King, and Maddy tried to set me up friend... think he got the message I wasn't interested after following us round for half an hour! A few of us went out and danced till 3:30 this morning, it was a good night and just what i needed, although I have some random foot injuries this morning.... gutted that i missed Mikes text though when he finished work, could have finished the night off quite well if I'd have seen that!
The bloke was round this afternoon collecting the rest of his things, just a few bits of furniture he needs to pick up now. He's moving next week.... and I guess I'm just a bit sad that he's not going to be around as I'll miss him, and I know munch will miss him too.... Hopefully it all works out for him, he's in a new place where he doesn't know many people and doesn't have the history there that he had when we got together, and he doesn't have to deal with not feeling part of her history as her son isn't that old, so maybe he will get the family he craves there that he didn't feel he had here? I just hope he doesn't cut people out and that he stays in touch as I really don't want to lose him as a friend, and i think i will.... men are historically crap as a species for making an effort and staying in touch, and if I keep being the one to get in touch with him it will just seem like it's something it isn't...
The one thing I got told when I moved that far away from home, no matter how far you go and what you do, always remember that your home is still your home and there's no shame going back to where you started from, as it's better to realise when things aren't working and go back to somewhere that you was once happy, than to put up with something that doesn't work any longer and be unhappy fearing people would see it as a sign your admitting defeat..... I've thought about me going back home a few times over the last few years and if it had been just me I might have, but I just couldn't bring myself to up root munch for my own selfish reason.... So many of my friends that had left Birmingham have all gone back there now it seems!
Oh well busy week ahead at work, hope I get to see the bloke before he disappears (hopefully not out my life for good though), have another Saturday night out already in the calendar as munch is with his dad again next weekend, I have one date already pencilled in for Saturday, and Toblerone is back in the office the following week so the fun can start again ;0)
As for the numbers at the top of this page..... well that's for me to know and you to find out haha!
Well not been on here for a little bit, thought that if I started writing how I felt last week I might just end up upsetting myself so I kept myself distracted instead.... think it worked on the whole?
I did well saying good bye to munch last Monday, no tears to embarrass him as he left on his school trip! I feel really bad for saying that in someways I enjoyed having a week to do what I wanted when I wanted as he wasn't here, doing things that most people take for granted.... but even though I enjoyed it I spent the whole week with this little niggle at the back of my head, a small sense of dread in case something happened to him, or he got upset...
I'm not under any illusions as I had purposely arranged to do something each night so I didn't have time to think about missing him, I know that if that was my normal life I wouldn't be going out like that every day!
Had date night out with backseat Betsy on Monday, where we ended up going and having drinks with the program manager and lead architect.... that was a random night, especially as neither of us two was actually drinking alcohol lol!
Tuesday night was a bit of a naughty one for a school night.... chinese and 4 bottles of wine with Maddy. I crashed at hers so I could have a few drinks but didn't think it would be a few bottles!!
Wednesday was a girls night out to Frankie & Benny's and then on to see Magic Mike.... OMG i need to find me a man like that! He can move those hips and he is h.o.t!! Shame normal men don't look like that, either that or I'm obviously not looking in the right places?!
I just get men that like to send me picture of their ding-a-ling.... and in most cases if they were that size I wouldn't be broadcasting it, plus on the whole they aren't pretty things! Have NO idea what it is about blokes taking pictures of their bits, I haven't even hinted I want these pictures, they just get sent!
Thursday was the only day I didn't have anything arranged, but I got back from work that night to a postcard from munch.... I think by then I was ready for him to come home, I missed him being here, and I've had too many people who mean something to me not around lately.
Went out last night to, bumped into the King, and Maddy tried to set me up friend... think he got the message I wasn't interested after following us round for half an hour! A few of us went out and danced till 3:30 this morning, it was a good night and just what i needed, although I have some random foot injuries this morning.... gutted that i missed Mikes text though when he finished work, could have finished the night off quite well if I'd have seen that!
The bloke was round this afternoon collecting the rest of his things, just a few bits of furniture he needs to pick up now. He's moving next week.... and I guess I'm just a bit sad that he's not going to be around as I'll miss him, and I know munch will miss him too.... Hopefully it all works out for him, he's in a new place where he doesn't know many people and doesn't have the history there that he had when we got together, and he doesn't have to deal with not feeling part of her history as her son isn't that old, so maybe he will get the family he craves there that he didn't feel he had here? I just hope he doesn't cut people out and that he stays in touch as I really don't want to lose him as a friend, and i think i will.... men are historically crap as a species for making an effort and staying in touch, and if I keep being the one to get in touch with him it will just seem like it's something it isn't...
The one thing I got told when I moved that far away from home, no matter how far you go and what you do, always remember that your home is still your home and there's no shame going back to where you started from, as it's better to realise when things aren't working and go back to somewhere that you was once happy, than to put up with something that doesn't work any longer and be unhappy fearing people would see it as a sign your admitting defeat..... I've thought about me going back home a few times over the last few years and if it had been just me I might have, but I just couldn't bring myself to up root munch for my own selfish reason.... So many of my friends that had left Birmingham have all gone back there now it seems!
Oh well busy week ahead at work, hope I get to see the bloke before he disappears (hopefully not out my life for good though), have another Saturday night out already in the calendar as munch is with his dad again next weekend, I have one date already pencilled in for Saturday, and Toblerone is back in the office the following week so the fun can start again ;0)
As for the numbers at the top of this page..... well that's for me to know and you to find out haha!
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Funny five....
Think I've been having my funny five minutes today!
I knew it was due to happen, but it struck me today as I was tucking the munch up that this is the last night till Friday that I'm going to to that as he's away on his school trip from tomorrow.... and I guess it just got to me as i sat here for five minutes sobbing.... stupid hey?!
As I said I knew this was happening and so I have sorted out most evenings this week so I'm not just sat at home by myself moping, but I have had my funny five minutes today!! Many people will think I'm being stupid for even getting upset about this, and think instead I should be looking forward to a few day of care free fun, and I am looking forward to being able to do what everyone else does without thinking, but at the same time I know that deep down in my heart that there will be something I can't settle till he's back with me and safe. Not having any contact with your child for days on end is not natural.... if you do it through choice then that's one thing, but having to deal with it because that's whats imposed is another.... and this is something that's imposed!!
I think in general I'm just in a pensive mood this weekend. With munch being away it is playing a big part in it.... and the other thing is the bloke has been moving his stuff out this weekend. That's not unexpected and that's not the problem.... I think it's the little flashbacks I've had to when he was moving in that's been unexpected. Little things like remembering how excited I was to see his stuff turning up, remembering going to his flat to collect it and filling the lift to move it here.... making the wardrobe up..... And now he's got that with his new gf....?!
I do hope that he's happy there.
I know he's excited about it at the moment, and maybe she's the one that will make his heart skip that proverbial beat every time he sees her for the rest of his life? That is what he is looking for.... whether that actually exists I guess I don't know yet? I guess with her it's one way he can become family with his best friend for real? And as I talked to a friend about her Mr M, with kids there is the added complication of not feeling the same when there is some history that's not shared.... he doesn't have to worry about that with hers as it was with munch as there is the age.... young enough that there isn't much history really!
I guess I don't know if he ever really cared about me like that, but at least moving so far away he escapes the ghost of the of the one person he never could here as he worked with her, and saw here every day, and I don't think that ever helped us! By doing that maybe the darker moods he had here his new gf won't end up seeing? I accepted it as part of him, and I knew when he wasn't completely happy within himself..... just for what ever reason, he never talked about it properly to me, even though he could of it he wanted.... that may have been a combination of couldn't and wouldn't though...?
This weekend has been good though as at least we have caught up, and grabbing food after trying to pack and move stuff on Saturday was good, we was laughing and joking and messing around like we used to, and given how I feel with munch going, that was actually quite comforting.... not sure if he feels completely comfortable round me though, or whether his new gf has said anything?
It's not like I'm going to jump him, even he spent the night here to watch a film and have a drink... lol I have toblerone for that at the moment..... I have him right where I want, given the VERY obvious response our Friday 'de-brief' at work ;0)
I've just been in a bit of a melancholy mood today and thinking about next week without the munchkin, and missing the company of the people I'm comfortable with... and seeing how much even munch has missed having the bloke round.
Oh well, I'll see munch off tomorrow morning, we'll see if his dad turns up! And then I have date night with Betsy to look forward to.... we're going out for food and then a pub/club, make the most of the free time!
Tuesday and Wednesday are already booked up, just need to find something to do on Thursday now! It is just a real shame that toblerone isn't around as I could have had a whole load of more fun, and that would have been far more kinkier haha!!
I knew it was due to happen, but it struck me today as I was tucking the munch up that this is the last night till Friday that I'm going to to that as he's away on his school trip from tomorrow.... and I guess it just got to me as i sat here for five minutes sobbing.... stupid hey?!
As I said I knew this was happening and so I have sorted out most evenings this week so I'm not just sat at home by myself moping, but I have had my funny five minutes today!! Many people will think I'm being stupid for even getting upset about this, and think instead I should be looking forward to a few day of care free fun, and I am looking forward to being able to do what everyone else does without thinking, but at the same time I know that deep down in my heart that there will be something I can't settle till he's back with me and safe. Not having any contact with your child for days on end is not natural.... if you do it through choice then that's one thing, but having to deal with it because that's whats imposed is another.... and this is something that's imposed!!
I think in general I'm just in a pensive mood this weekend. With munch being away it is playing a big part in it.... and the other thing is the bloke has been moving his stuff out this weekend. That's not unexpected and that's not the problem.... I think it's the little flashbacks I've had to when he was moving in that's been unexpected. Little things like remembering how excited I was to see his stuff turning up, remembering going to his flat to collect it and filling the lift to move it here.... making the wardrobe up..... And now he's got that with his new gf....?!
I do hope that he's happy there.
I know he's excited about it at the moment, and maybe she's the one that will make his heart skip that proverbial beat every time he sees her for the rest of his life? That is what he is looking for.... whether that actually exists I guess I don't know yet? I guess with her it's one way he can become family with his best friend for real? And as I talked to a friend about her Mr M, with kids there is the added complication of not feeling the same when there is some history that's not shared.... he doesn't have to worry about that with hers as it was with munch as there is the age.... young enough that there isn't much history really!
I guess I don't know if he ever really cared about me like that, but at least moving so far away he escapes the ghost of the of the one person he never could here as he worked with her, and saw here every day, and I don't think that ever helped us! By doing that maybe the darker moods he had here his new gf won't end up seeing? I accepted it as part of him, and I knew when he wasn't completely happy within himself..... just for what ever reason, he never talked about it properly to me, even though he could of it he wanted.... that may have been a combination of couldn't and wouldn't though...?
This weekend has been good though as at least we have caught up, and grabbing food after trying to pack and move stuff on Saturday was good, we was laughing and joking and messing around like we used to, and given how I feel with munch going, that was actually quite comforting.... not sure if he feels completely comfortable round me though, or whether his new gf has said anything?
It's not like I'm going to jump him, even he spent the night here to watch a film and have a drink... lol I have toblerone for that at the moment..... I have him right where I want, given the VERY obvious response our Friday 'de-brief' at work ;0)
I've just been in a bit of a melancholy mood today and thinking about next week without the munchkin, and missing the company of the people I'm comfortable with... and seeing how much even munch has missed having the bloke round.
Oh well, I'll see munch off tomorrow morning, we'll see if his dad turns up! And then I have date night with Betsy to look forward to.... we're going out for food and then a pub/club, make the most of the free time!
Tuesday and Wednesday are already booked up, just need to find something to do on Thursday now! It is just a real shame that toblerone isn't around as I could have had a whole load of more fun, and that would have been far more kinkier haha!!
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Lazy Days
Been a bit of a lazy day..... went to visit my god daughter this morning as it's been a couple of months since I last went to see her!
The bloke then came round this afternoon to sort out the computer and grab some of his stuff.... we also grabbed a Chinese while he was here so now I have a such a full tum!
It was good to see him though and I think munch enjoyed having him here for a bit.... going by how he acted when he turned up.... I think munch was really excited to see him.... don't know if the bloke realizes this though?
Just hope he knows he can still come see us both and for him know it's not awkward... and that if he did want to stay over, to drink, chat and hang out that it's not like I'm going to jump him!! Unless the reason he doesn't want to is because his girlfriend has told him not too?
Mike has been texting tonight which could prove an interesting twist.... toblerone away for a week, and then there's Andy?
Round and round the wheel goes, where it lands no-one knows!
The bloke then came round this afternoon to sort out the computer and grab some of his stuff.... we also grabbed a Chinese while he was here so now I have a such a full tum!
It was good to see him though and I think munch enjoyed having him here for a bit.... going by how he acted when he turned up.... I think munch was really excited to see him.... don't know if the bloke realizes this though?
Just hope he knows he can still come see us both and for him know it's not awkward... and that if he did want to stay over, to drink, chat and hang out that it's not like I'm going to jump him!! Unless the reason he doesn't want to is because his girlfriend has told him not too?
Mike has been texting tonight which could prove an interesting twist.... toblerone away for a week, and then there's Andy?
Round and round the wheel goes, where it lands no-one knows!
Naughty!
Weekend is here and the afternoon at work has flown by..... yesterday's misuse of company resources continued today.... I did enjoy seeing him squirm at his desk, knowing that for a large part of the day he needed to stay sat down at his desk..... Oh and i doubt that meeting room had that kind of 'meeting' held in it before!
Shame he's on holiday now for 2 weeks as the fun was just beginning ;0)
Don't normally mix business and pleasure but they do say rules were made to be broken!!
Thursday, 5 July 2012
don't get caught!
So tired today.... glad tomorrow is Friday, although waking up Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday hasn't helped this week lol! Don't you just hate it when that happens?!
Craziness and chaos has been the menu this week.... it's weeks like this I miss having the bloke around to talk to... Andy is still texting but it's not the same with him in that was as he doesn't know me like that. Sometimes all you want is someone to listen and give you a bit of perspective on things, and someone who has only know you a month or so can't do that, not really!
Also I think I know that next week munch isn't around, not just for the one night, but for the whole week! It will be nice to catch up with people and I have a few things planned to keep me busy, but it doesn't help that I'm still going to miss him. Its hard to explain to people as they just assume having the freedom is nice, but imagine having something in your like for 11/12 years then it just goes. Would you miss your arm if you lost it for the week? It's a similar feeling for me if i'm honest when munch goes on these school trips....
Munch also had his introduction day at big school... his dad didn't come to the parents evening there as he 'had other things to do'. I do wonder if this is the start of the down slide? He's started to be awkward about a few dates when he's supposed to have munch, and is arguing the toss over dates we have already agreed . Honestly it is 26 nights a year he has hi out of 365, and he still can't get those few right!! sometimes just want to throw my hands in the air and wonder why I even bother \o/?!?
Well even after a busy week I certainly managed to get a smile put on my face today ;0)
Not sure what we was up to though would count as a mis-use of company property.... oh well what they don't know won't hurt them.
Craziness and chaos has been the menu this week.... it's weeks like this I miss having the bloke around to talk to... Andy is still texting but it's not the same with him in that was as he doesn't know me like that. Sometimes all you want is someone to listen and give you a bit of perspective on things, and someone who has only know you a month or so can't do that, not really!
Also I think I know that next week munch isn't around, not just for the one night, but for the whole week! It will be nice to catch up with people and I have a few things planned to keep me busy, but it doesn't help that I'm still going to miss him. Its hard to explain to people as they just assume having the freedom is nice, but imagine having something in your like for 11/12 years then it just goes. Would you miss your arm if you lost it for the week? It's a similar feeling for me if i'm honest when munch goes on these school trips....
Munch also had his introduction day at big school... his dad didn't come to the parents evening there as he 'had other things to do'. I do wonder if this is the start of the down slide? He's started to be awkward about a few dates when he's supposed to have munch, and is arguing the toss over dates we have already agreed . Honestly it is 26 nights a year he has hi out of 365, and he still can't get those few right!! sometimes just want to throw my hands in the air and wonder why I even bother \o/?!?
Well even after a busy week I certainly managed to get a smile put on my face today ;0)
Not sure what we was up to though would count as a mis-use of company property.... oh well what they don't know won't hurt them.
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
poop
Poop'ed! Already... and it's only Monday....
Really fed up today. Been a long day at work and the weather is just shocking at the moment which doesn't help the general mood! Plus I started to set fire the my over this evening and I was only cooking sausages :0(
Weekend was good, Andy came over this weekend and we was out for Zoe's and Roz's birthday celebrations. I couldn't go to the clay pigeon shooting because I had munch, but looking at the injuries people had maybe that was a good thing?!
Now think I am going to see if Mr Grey can save the evening?
Really fed up today. Been a long day at work and the weather is just shocking at the moment which doesn't help the general mood! Plus I started to set fire the my over this evening and I was only cooking sausages :0(
Weekend was good, Andy came over this weekend and we was out for Zoe's and Roz's birthday celebrations. I couldn't go to the clay pigeon shooting because I had munch, but looking at the injuries people had maybe that was a good thing?!
Now think I am going to see if Mr Grey can save the evening?
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