Another week starts again....
The weekend was good.... Betsy stayed here friday night and although i ended up doing some stupid stuff as i had a sniff too much wine it was a good to not be here alone. The saturday night was a girls night in with chinese, dvd's and more alcohol. Sometimes the simple nights in with friends are the best. And i ended up spooning old Betsy lol!
The rest of the weekend was just lazy really.... it's amazing how much of a range of feelings you can feel in 48 hours.... this one saw me going from being happy, to sad, to lonely, to hurt, to ok, to i don't know what..... i just would like something to be simple and straight forward for once! At least this was a weekend without the mystery caller! Been a few days now so maybe he's got the message now?
I just wish i knew what i was meant to be doing? Now, next week, next year.... surprises are nice, no actually they are great, but i am just fed up of getting the dud ones i think i'm the one that's always left with the booby prize or the joke present and everyone else walks away with first prize.
I just feel like i'm forgettable, and that other than the munchkin i'm never going to mean anything to anyone and that is such an empty feeling i wish i could shake. There are things i wish for and dream of, that are now so out of reach it hurts to even think of, and when i think of the people involved in some of those dream doing what i have thought of with someone other than me it is unbearable.
Guess i just need to figure out where i go from here, accept that i won't ever have someone for all the journey and after that is anyones guess???
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