ho ho ho

Hey! Its been a while since I wrote on here.... Wasn't missed on purpose just genuinely not sure where this year has gone?!

Wish I could say I had met my Prince Charming and was whisked off my feet but we all know that only happens in fairy stories, and I'm never lucky enough to get the Hollywood ending sadly:(

So as this year comes to an end and I look back what do I see? Well I have managed to still 'adult' somehow - my son has now outgrown me much to his amusement, and his voice has broken (which is totally weird to get my head round as that means he is nearly grown up..... and how have I managed to end up with a grown up son?)

Sadly work has kept me manically busy, and this year has been difficult. Being constantly told that what you are doing isn't quite right, isn't how they would do it ends up with constant self doubt and questioning. Luckily for me I am stubborn and dug my heels in and so the last few months have managed to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the doubters are backing off finally.

Next question for me in the new year is do I stay or brave the world and look for more money? But that comes with its own risks? Am I 'that' brave just yet? How do some people seem to make these decisions with the greatest of ease?

The heart this year has had its walls firmly up! There was a gap in the wall appearing at one point but like every male I come across he proved to be just more of the same.... Someone who used me to boost his own ego until something better came along. You'd have thought by now I would have learnt? Think I need to see why this always happens to me but it always been the same thing... I am 'nice', I am fun to be around but I am never the 'right' one. Given my past history can only really come too a couple of conclusions. I have an personality flaw that makes me unworthy and I am just not pretty enough or skinny enough for someone to want to be with me on a more permanent basis?

Anyway for now I need to give blokes a miss as I have bigger concerns coming up over the next few months and I have no idea how that will pan out..... So for the beginning of 2016 my attention is going to be elsewhere anyway

Going to try and update this a bit more next year as I find the writing down of things helps me organise my own head.....I know this isn't really read but thats not the point of this page for me

For now, Happy Christmas and a healthy and happy new year