Its been a cracking bank holiday weekend and the great thing is.... I'm not at work for the rest of the week lol!
I've always preferred doing things spur of the moment and I think this weekend I managed to do pretty well!
Saturday morning went and booked a trip to Brussels this week with munch.
Its quite scary as this is the first time I've ever been abroad when it has just been him and me. Its quite daunting knowing you're the responsible adult. If its just me and I get lost then that's fine, but dragging a child around and getting lost is quite scary, only me to look out for him..... I've never not had the security of another adult to help around but at least he's of an age where I can do this. And some of the stuff there looks cool, there's a mini Europe park, and lots of odd little statues and parks, pretty sure we'll be able to keep ourselves amused for the 3 nights we're there!!
The other random thing this weekend was going and getting a tattoo on the back of my neck. I forgot how much they bloody hurt though.... I'm now squirming at the idea of having the one on my ribs done! I will get it eventually but think I may have to build up a bit of courage again lol!!
The one on my neck is Munch's star sign and date of birth. I don't like tattoo's with names as i think they are a bit chavvy if I'm honest, but this one is something that has meaning to me, is for munch, without having names permanently scrawled on my skin.
Went out with some friends Saturday night, and it was only meant to be a quiet few, but as it turned out I don't remember coming home! I woke up Sunday morning face down in my bed, stripped and all my clothes on the floor in the bathroom, the contents of my handbag on the window ledge and a pint of squash next to the bed nearly empty.
At least my auto pilot works when intoxicated lol! I did have that 5 minute panic when i wondered where my phone was (my jeans pocket on the floor of the bathroom), had i shut the front door (yes, and even took the keys out the lock before i did it) and did I come home alone (thankfully yes! no random Torquay footballer in the house.... although i do remember talking to two of them in the pub....)
Well nearly finished packing, got to get up early (*groan*) to catch the train but then I'm on holiday (can i get a whoop?). When I get back, got an engagement party Saturday and then off to the zoo Sunday with my god daughter, her parents and my friend (who's the other godmother).... maybe i can dust of the fairy wings for that?
And then after all that munch starts big school!! And I'll be back to work, trying to figure out the new routine.... Oh and I guess see what happens next with toblerone as there was more 6.9 shenanigans on Friday before I left ;0)
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Thursday, 16 August 2012
straw that broke the camels back
well that was certainly 'different' today!
It's not something I do often, or like doing, but today saw me actually break at work! Can honestly say having your boss waiting outside the ladies waiting for you to come out is a little stalkerish!!
I think was a day when everything collided and it was either scream and shout in the office, or do what most females do to be honest.... go off, have a moment, pull yourself together and then carry on with the problem.
However in some ways I think it might have been a good thing. I have been saying for a few weeks that something was going to give soon, didn't realise that 'thing' was me, but it does mean that what I have been saying is being taken seriously and its not being seen as just me saying something for the sake of it.
Not sure what tomorrow will bring but tonight I think it will be a glass of wine, an earlier tonight and grit my teeth through tomorrow? There's just one thing missing.... and nothing I can do about that.... guess that's what comes of being damaged goods!
It's not something I do often, or like doing, but today saw me actually break at work! Can honestly say having your boss waiting outside the ladies waiting for you to come out is a little stalkerish!!
I think was a day when everything collided and it was either scream and shout in the office, or do what most females do to be honest.... go off, have a moment, pull yourself together and then carry on with the problem.
However in some ways I think it might have been a good thing. I have been saying for a few weeks that something was going to give soon, didn't realise that 'thing' was me, but it does mean that what I have been saying is being taken seriously and its not being seen as just me saying something for the sake of it.
Not sure what tomorrow will bring but tonight I think it will be a glass of wine, an earlier tonight and grit my teeth through tomorrow? There's just one thing missing.... and nothing I can do about that.... guess that's what comes of being damaged goods!
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Where did I leave my compass?
How was your day?
A simple sentence, but when said by the right person in can make you feel cared for, protected.
That's what I'm missing at the moment. I feel cast adrift, a ship with no compass, and I'm trying desperately to get my bearings!
It's not that I lack friends. My friends are my family and I love them dearly but I still feel a sense of loneliness sometimes. Struggling today emptying the loft by myself just showed me how hard it can be.
It probably took me twice as long than if I had someone to help me, with the amount of times I was up and down the ladder, and the fact that with some stuff I just physically struggled to lift it and move it.... plus there are so many memories up there, packed away in boxes, lying around in pieces, that its never easy to do that sort of thing and spend too much time up there!
It's not all doom and gllom though...This weekend was good.... had an Olympic themed BBQ on Friday night while the nice weather was with us and it was great fun as we played our own 'games'.... space hopper races, volleyball matches (although we did lose the ball once when it got hit over the house), and we even did an egg and spoon race. Must have been a good night as I woke up feeling a little 'delicate' the next morning!! Was also up an iphone and a coat, it's amazing what people lose on a night out haha!
Saturday wasn't quite as I planned originally, but I ended up going to see TED at the cinema with my friend. Wasn't able to face the idea of drinking again!
I had nearly gone back up to Birmingham to see JJB but he ended up having his son last minute..... and not sure if that was a blessing or not? I know what would happen if I had gone, but with him living there and me here, what hope would I have of anything more permanent? I've know him since i was 13, so maybe it's best just to stay friends?
I ended up just driving round for a while Saturday night.
I just got on the motorway, put my foot down and drove. There was something therapeutic just speeding along the road, having things run through my head and trying to make sense of what I am doing at the moment, what I want, where I am going.... I have so much going through my head from the last month or so and I don't know how to make sense of some of it?!
I've been freaked out slightly as I seem to have had someone following me lately.... getting a message asking if I drive a certain car (which they got right), and was at certain places at these times (I was there), combined with the few phone calls I've had over the last couple of days have got me on edge a bit..... I don't want to go through the phone calls I had last year all over again, although this one has creeped me out more! Still trying to decide what I do about this.... Am I making something out of what may be nothing?
I think my problem is I need to find my sense of direction, I need my compass to point me back on the right path as I hate feeling like this, so out of control, out of my depth.... and knowing I'm supposed to be the responsible one. How am I supposed to look after munch when I feel like I struggle to look after myself?
A simple sentence, but when said by the right person in can make you feel cared for, protected.
That's what I'm missing at the moment. I feel cast adrift, a ship with no compass, and I'm trying desperately to get my bearings!
It's not that I lack friends. My friends are my family and I love them dearly but I still feel a sense of loneliness sometimes. Struggling today emptying the loft by myself just showed me how hard it can be.
It probably took me twice as long than if I had someone to help me, with the amount of times I was up and down the ladder, and the fact that with some stuff I just physically struggled to lift it and move it.... plus there are so many memories up there, packed away in boxes, lying around in pieces, that its never easy to do that sort of thing and spend too much time up there!
It's not all doom and gllom though...This weekend was good.... had an Olympic themed BBQ on Friday night while the nice weather was with us and it was great fun as we played our own 'games'.... space hopper races, volleyball matches (although we did lose the ball once when it got hit over the house), and we even did an egg and spoon race. Must have been a good night as I woke up feeling a little 'delicate' the next morning!! Was also up an iphone and a coat, it's amazing what people lose on a night out haha!
Saturday wasn't quite as I planned originally, but I ended up going to see TED at the cinema with my friend. Wasn't able to face the idea of drinking again!
I had nearly gone back up to Birmingham to see JJB but he ended up having his son last minute..... and not sure if that was a blessing or not? I know what would happen if I had gone, but with him living there and me here, what hope would I have of anything more permanent? I've know him since i was 13, so maybe it's best just to stay friends?
I ended up just driving round for a while Saturday night.
I just got on the motorway, put my foot down and drove. There was something therapeutic just speeding along the road, having things run through my head and trying to make sense of what I am doing at the moment, what I want, where I am going.... I have so much going through my head from the last month or so and I don't know how to make sense of some of it?!
I've been freaked out slightly as I seem to have had someone following me lately.... getting a message asking if I drive a certain car (which they got right), and was at certain places at these times (I was there), combined with the few phone calls I've had over the last couple of days have got me on edge a bit..... I don't want to go through the phone calls I had last year all over again, although this one has creeped me out more! Still trying to decide what I do about this.... Am I making something out of what may be nothing?
I think my problem is I need to find my sense of direction, I need my compass to point me back on the right path as I hate feeling like this, so out of control, out of my depth.... and knowing I'm supposed to be the responsible one. How am I supposed to look after munch when I feel like I struggle to look after myself?
Friday, 10 August 2012
one down, two to go
First weeks back always suck.... and I think someone has sneaked extra hours into this one!! Coming back into work after a week off to then have three days of all day meetings, not quite the start I wanted but on the plus side, it's only 1 day till the weekend now and then two more weeks and I have another week off - huzzah!!
No playing with toblerone this week, as its all work and no play for everyone.... looking forward to tomorrow night though. Going with the theme of the olympics I'm doing a BBQ and theres a games theme..... got space hoppers to have races with, swing ball, volley ball, egg and spoon, three-legged..... plus the olympics on the wii. Add into that alcohol and i think it could get a little messy lol!
Also got date night with colin saturday.... see how that goes? Not sure what we're doing yet as was just waiting to see what the weather is like. Might go for a walk down the beach?
Just need to unwind I think as I have a feeling next week at work will just be more of the same as this one. Really am starting to think it's time to get a new job!!
No playing with toblerone this week, as its all work and no play for everyone.... looking forward to tomorrow night though. Going with the theme of the olympics I'm doing a BBQ and theres a games theme..... got space hoppers to have races with, swing ball, volley ball, egg and spoon, three-legged..... plus the olympics on the wii. Add into that alcohol and i think it could get a little messy lol!
Also got date night with colin saturday.... see how that goes? Not sure what we're doing yet as was just waiting to see what the weather is like. Might go for a walk down the beach?
Just need to unwind I think as I have a feeling next week at work will just be more of the same as this one. Really am starting to think it's time to get a new job!!
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
.-.
Well I survived the dreaded first day back..... only 14 more working days till the next week off lol!!
I knew today wasn't going to be pretty... the disadvantage of checking emails while you are off, but at least I knew what kind of things I was walking into today, and I'm hoping I managed to diffuse both ticking time bombs? At least for this week....
I do sometimes wonder if I disappeared whether I would be missed.... Sometimes just in relation to work and sometimes more in general. After all a job is just a job and I know nobody is indispensible, so although it might be difficult, someone can come in and pick up what I do.... does the same apply to home? Munch would still have his dad, and now he has a step mom, would anyone really notice if I wasn't around? Don't think they would.... I might be a passing thought every now and again, but other than that I don't have anyone around to really miss me.... I don't 'matter' to anyone these days. I wish I did, but anyone who ever matters to me, throws me to the side for something better and history can only repeat itself so many times before you start to believe its you not them.... After all, people who say they care, or cared once upon a time, never really follow through and actions speak louder than words.... things are easy to say but so much harder to stick to!
We all get lonely days get stuck in a phase
I can see the sun is shining bright right on through the haze
I complain to say is this really my life
Now that I'm over you, and I'm sober too
I can finally feel alive
But I won't give you my heart, cause it don't break twice
I knew today wasn't going to be pretty... the disadvantage of checking emails while you are off, but at least I knew what kind of things I was walking into today, and I'm hoping I managed to diffuse both ticking time bombs? At least for this week....
I do sometimes wonder if I disappeared whether I would be missed.... Sometimes just in relation to work and sometimes more in general. After all a job is just a job and I know nobody is indispensible, so although it might be difficult, someone can come in and pick up what I do.... does the same apply to home? Munch would still have his dad, and now he has a step mom, would anyone really notice if I wasn't around? Don't think they would.... I might be a passing thought every now and again, but other than that I don't have anyone around to really miss me.... I don't 'matter' to anyone these days. I wish I did, but anyone who ever matters to me, throws me to the side for something better and history can only repeat itself so many times before you start to believe its you not them.... After all, people who say they care, or cared once upon a time, never really follow through and actions speak louder than words.... things are easy to say but so much harder to stick to!
We all get lonely days get stuck in a phase
I can see the sun is shining bright right on through the haze
I complain to say is this really my life
Now that I'm over you, and I'm sober too
I can finally feel alive
But I won't give you my heart, cause it don't break twice
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Old times & good times
It's typical, I have a week off and the sunshine that was around last week buggers off, so my feet have been frozen in the flip flops today.... I'm just starting to warm up now lol!
When the sun is out shining I'm stuck in the office having the shittiest time at work and not really being able to appreciate it. Luckily I did manage to eat out in the garden each night and enjoy the end of day rays so it didn't all go to waste!
To be fair I've had a really bad couple of weeks, munch and his leg started it all off, then there has been all crap at work, where it got so bad I had to have a word with my manager to tell him if I don't get help soon I will drop a big clanger somewhere.... and then to top it all off I have managed to pretty much rip my toe nail off my big toe (ouch)!! I guess these are the times when I have missed having the bloke to chat to as he was always the one that gave me some perspective on these crappy weeks, but he's moved to Wales now and I guess would be too busy to listen....
There have been a few highlights too, so it's not all been doom and gloom.... Had friend over Tuesday for food so was good to catch up with her properly as not done that for a while, and the impromptu BBQ I had was a real good laugh, even though I think we all got eaten by the midges in the garden..... and of course Toblerone is back now so then fun in the boardroom has continued this week.... kind of missed the playing and flirting with him lol!
Got a week off now and have been back visiting the family and friends the last couple of days. I've managed to avoid spending too much time parents which is always a bonus! What has been nice is I have managed to catch up with a couple of people from school that I've not seen since I was 16. They've changed in so many ways from when we was there, and in some ways they haven't changed a bit and it was like being back at that age again. It's been really nice to be able to sit and chat and see where life has taken us.
Also met up with JJB tonight.... now that one might be worth watching? Guess it depends on distance?
When the sun is out shining I'm stuck in the office having the shittiest time at work and not really being able to appreciate it. Luckily I did manage to eat out in the garden each night and enjoy the end of day rays so it didn't all go to waste!
To be fair I've had a really bad couple of weeks, munch and his leg started it all off, then there has been all crap at work, where it got so bad I had to have a word with my manager to tell him if I don't get help soon I will drop a big clanger somewhere.... and then to top it all off I have managed to pretty much rip my toe nail off my big toe (ouch)!! I guess these are the times when I have missed having the bloke to chat to as he was always the one that gave me some perspective on these crappy weeks, but he's moved to Wales now and I guess would be too busy to listen....
There have been a few highlights too, so it's not all been doom and gloom.... Had friend over Tuesday for food so was good to catch up with her properly as not done that for a while, and the impromptu BBQ I had was a real good laugh, even though I think we all got eaten by the midges in the garden..... and of course Toblerone is back now so then fun in the boardroom has continued this week.... kind of missed the playing and flirting with him lol!
Got a week off now and have been back visiting the family and friends the last couple of days. I've managed to avoid spending too much time parents which is always a bonus! What has been nice is I have managed to catch up with a couple of people from school that I've not seen since I was 16. They've changed in so many ways from when we was there, and in some ways they haven't changed a bit and it was like being back at that age again. It's been really nice to be able to sit and chat and see where life has taken us.
Also met up with JJB tonight.... now that one might be worth watching? Guess it depends on distance?
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