Hurrah the weekend is finally here.... and it's seems like it's taken forever to come around, but guess that's my own fault as i thought it was Wednesday on Tuesday, and ever since then I've been a day out of sync!
The school holidays are finally upon us and so I've been dealing with the mid-week break up fun for the past couple of days, and Ethan has been watching the Glee Project while I've been WFH in the mornings.
In the show i saw they had to think of one word best to describe what they saw as their biggest vunerablity, the thing that they see the world seeing them as and judging them by that and that got me wondering what i'd use to describe me.....
I think the best way i can describe how i think the world sometimes see's me is 'worthless'... I can't see why someone would choose to be with me, or what i add to the world. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest, i'm not the most popular or the 'coolest', and to a lot of people these days having a decent heart and wanting to do the right thing by people is a trait that isn't valued like it should be.
It's this self doubt that causes me my biggest problems, why i get completely irrational at times. I sometimes just need to hear the words to tell me what someone is thinking rather than them assuming i just know.... it makes your heart lift if someone says 'i love you' or simply 'i missed you today' for no reason other than they want to tell you..... Maybe i'm looking for something that only ever exists in the movies...damn Hollywood!!!!
Oh well, i guess we can only hope that we get recognised for the people we are and not the way we see ourselves, that someone out there will take the time to find out what we need and want to give that to us. The world can be a messed up place and there's nothing strange as folk.... i already know i'm an oddball lol!
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