just the one....

Hurrah the weekend is finally here.... and it's seems like it's taken forever to come around, but guess that's my own fault as i thought it was Wednesday on Tuesday, and ever since then I've been a day out of sync!


The school holidays are finally upon us and so I've been dealing with the mid-week break up fun for the past couple of days, and Ethan has been watching the Glee Project while I've been WFH in the mornings.

In the show i saw they had to think of one word best to describe what they saw as their biggest vunerablity, the thing that they see the world seeing them as and judging them by that and that got me wondering what i'd use to describe me.....


I think the best way i can describe how i think the world sometimes see's me is 'worthless'... I can't see why someone would choose to be with me, or what i add to the world. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest, i'm not the most popular or the 'coolest', and to a lot of people these days having a decent heart and wanting to do the right thing by people is a trait that isn't valued like it should be.


It's this self doubt that causes me my biggest problems, why i get completely irrational at times. I sometimes just need to hear the words to tell me what someone is thinking rather than them assuming i just know.... it makes your heart lift if someone says 'i love you' or simply 'i missed you today' for no reason other than they want to tell you..... Maybe i'm looking for something that only ever exists in the movies...damn Hollywood!!!!


Oh well, i guess we can only hope that we get recognised for the people we are and not the way we see ourselves, that someone out there will take the time to find out what we need and want to give that to us. The world can be a messed up place and there's nothing strange as folk.... i already know i'm an oddball lol!

Dragging!!

OMG! Thought it was weds today and am sorely disappointed to realise it's only actually Tuesday.... Means it's been a really long day today AND I still have to deal with hump of the week tomorrow -boo!

Am knackered today, not sure why but its just been a really really long day! Having a child who has decided to have teenage strops 3 years too early just finished me off i think?!?!

Sat here now having eaten pie n chips, having a glass of wine and watching ghost! And people say I'm not classy lol!

Got chance to have a chat thru a few things with a friend over lunch, it's good to get someone else's perspective on things, and also to realise I'm not completely crazy in the way my mind works.... Not saying that it's working right but I'm not alone in the way I feel about things sometimes. Whoever said women are from Venus and men are from mars wasn't necessarily far off the mark!!

Now last decision of the day.... Do I have another glass of wine or not?

Weekend's over already?

Well that was a strange weekend for the world! Facebook and Twitter go bonkers after the death of Amy Winehouse, yet when 90 odd people get slaughtered in Norway there isn't really a peep, some people's priorities are screwed.... My two pence worth on all that, yes it is a shame for her family and it is a waste of talent, but i refuse to feel sorry for her as she has suffered the consequences of the life she CHOSE (and those who say she had an illness, yes she did but at some point she did make a choice to start down that path)! The people in Norway had their lives snubbed out by a madman, the only choice some had was do i die by the hand of a crazy nutter or do i die drowning trying to get free?

Although the world was screwed up i had a good weekend.... the bloke has done a good job in making headway on the garden, we know have fence panels up and a step! It's still novel to have someone around who isn't a lazy arse, although did feel guilty I couldn't help him out more!

Also it was good to catch up with some Lisa, Niall and Kian over a last minute BBQ.... it's amazing that seeing people you grew up can help you feel a little more like the old you when youve been feeling a little off kilt lately.

Today at work wasn't quite the disaster I was expecting to walk into, some problems from the fallout of the weekend but not as bad as it could have been, given how disastrous and stressful the past couple of weeks have been! I do enjoy the stress of my job if I'm honest but the last two weeks pushed even me to my limits.... and gave me a few more grey hairs in the process.... :0/

Wonder what this week will hold for us?

Well was back to work today after having a good weekend, the bloke has done a good job in making headway on the garden.... Such a change to have someone around who isn't a lazy arse, although did feel guilty I couldn't help more!

Was also good to catch up with some old friends over a BBQ, it's amazing that seeing people you grew up can help you feel a little more like the old you when youve been feeling a little off kilt lately.

Today wasn't quite the disaster I was expecting to walk into today, some problems from the fallout of the weekend but not as bad as it could have been, given how disastrous and stressful the past couple of weeks have been! I do enjoy the stress of my job if I'm homest but the last two weeks pushed even me to my limits.... and gave me a few more grey hairs in the process.... :0/

Wonder what this week will hold for us?

Sunny days!

Sun is shining and the weekends here... Trying to clear up the place and hopefully sort out a bit more of the garden today, it's amazing how therapeutic sometimes putting order into your home is, or maybe that's just my view? I know when I get stressed I DIY!

Getting rid of the freezer today since there's more ice than space in there now, and in a way it's quite satisfying as it's yet another tiny piece of my old life gone, one less reminder of who I used to be with and how unhappy he made me!

Looking forward to seeing some old friends tomorrow.. Although sometimes seeing people I grew up with and what they have reminds me of what I would like and what I don't have...and maybe never will? *sigh* why doesn't anyone warn us when we're growing up how complicated life can get?

Sat Nav required...

One of them days, well one of them weeks tbh! Just want to know that I have one central point in my life I can rely on no matter what is going on around me... One I can rely on, not one that soley relies on me... Just feel lost at the moment and not sure what I should do

Help?!? Don't know what more I can do...

Monday blues

Today had to wait in for the wasp man to evict the unwanted squatters in the loft.... Never had to deal with a wasps nest before, all sorted now just £60 lighter for the pleasure! Luckily I'd already planned to work from home this morning due to yet another flippin teacher training day, seriously how much training DO teachers need and why can't it be done in he school holidays?

Work usual hustle n bustle! Give it a week and hopefully should calm down (famous last words)!

Other than that just been feeling like il more of a hinderance to a previous life rather than an enhancement to an existing one looking at certain comments made, don't know what I can do about it? I thought the future was all about being a bit different to your past? But not necessarily in a bad way? Maybe I was wrong????

TFIF!!!

Thank F*** it's friday..... i've been broken by work i think. Not had a week like this for ages, i'm shattered

Time to chill i think tonight and maybe crack open a bottle of wine, the bloke is out on a boat getting drunk somewhere so doubt i'll see him till tomorrow.

Have a busy morning tomorrow sorting out hair and car before going to my god daughter's christening.... (that still sounds odd to say outloud) Never been a god mother before, wonder if i get my wings and and tomorrow lol!

Hump of the week

Today has been manic, the car crash I has been waiting for at work finally hit and so all I've been doing today is crisis management.... Oh well makes the day go quickly!

Not looking forward to Friday as I already have an idea of what will happen and I'll know how I feel about it, yet all it would take to stop most of it is three words!
I guess a lot of it is down to the fact that it takes time to build trust yet only a second to destroy it, and at the moment I don't know where we are on that scale, I know where I hope we are but I've been drastically wrong before and had to deal with the consequences, not a pleasant experience

To be lazy or not to be lazy?

The weekend is here and I'm lay in bed wondering what it will hold... Everything is so uncertain at the moment I never knoW where I am with stuff

Guess need to also figure out what to do with today, lazy weekends are great but I hate feeling like I have wasted a day, especially when the weeks are so busy at work at the moment!