Thought it had been a while since I'd done this so here I am..... Its a quiet night and a busy head and jotting things down has always helped....!
So how are things going? To be honest not quite sure... The major issues at work have calmed down and so I am left this year trying to prove, mainly to myself, that the failings of last year really were due to the issues and office politics I had no control over, and not because I am crap at my job?
I think I am my biggest critic though and so I'm doing this year now to prove to myself rather than anyone else that I can do my job, I am more than capable and I think to get some of my confidence back. But isn't that how most people are? They judge people harshly but save their most scathing criticisms for themselves? Just me? Oh well.....
And home? Well things are just ticking along I guess? Had a few near misses with starting new relationships, but just as I get to the point of it actually becoming something there's that little voice in my head and the gut instinct that says its not right, and I'm not willing to settle for second best just so I'm not alone!
I know what it is I should be starting to feel and that's why these have been near misses so far!
I've had a couple of people in my life over the years where I can honestly say I have truly loved them (and maybe I still do in some kind of way?) but yet for one reason or another its not worked out. Then on the flip side there's the douche-bag that I regret wasting more years than I should have on, so I certainly know what I'm not looking for!!
Looking back the experiences I've had, it hasn't made me bitter (I hope!!!) to the idea of falling in love again, as each time its not worked I've just got up, dusted myself off and carried on, as fate really does have a weird way of working things out in the end, or so I'm discovering.... from an ex boyf telling you that the biggest regret he has is letting you go, to realising that some blokes really are THAT shallow and only after one thing! They will say anything to try and get you into bed, and when you refuse it on the first date after only just meting over coffee, you don't hear a bean off them again.... Classy!!
Some people are just far too predictable and then there's some people that surprise you in the best way possible..... I'm hoping this weekend I get the nice surprise!
